Today was a particularly bad day, EB-wise.
I took off bandages for so long, that I started wondering if time had miraculously slowed down just for me. To aggravate me. To prolong the agony.
Dear God, how has it come to this? I’m exhausted. I never want to have a day like this again. I never want to be the monster mom I was today. Never again.
And what happened at bandage time today? How was bandaging her suddenly more stressful and tiresome than removing her bandages? Has time decided to take the mickey out of me and do everything backwards today? Or was it just the Lmesitran burning her skin such that she cried and tugged at her mepitel every other second.
R200, R350, R300, I’d estimate, everytime she ripped a piece of mepitel off and have it land face down on the floor. I was so tempted to place the floor-kissed mepitel back on her wounds, but the risk of infection wasn’t worth it. The poor child has enough to deal with as it is. And yet, R1000+ in mepitel, gone to waste, doesn’t exactly make me smile either.
I’m a jumble of emotions as it is, and I’m just grateful that my brother arrived when he did, and immediately jumped in to assist, despite not feeling all that great himself.
And now, whilst she is happily entertained by my (not so) little brother, I lay with her little sister slowly putting together the pieces of my mommyness praying that the uneasy zinging inside me will soon stop. It’s in moments like these that I realise the blessing of being gifted with a spouse that is your pillar of strength and who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. I realise the beauty of having family support and knowing I can always count on mine is a gift in and of itself. I know God didn’t give me this to break me, but sometimes I need to break down in order to build myself up again, humbled and safe in God’s loving gaze.
When I’m ready, I will go inside and brave the rest of the day. Brave it I must, as we only got through half of her bandages in the 2 hours we were together, with other half still waiting to be done. I did a pretty bad job with her bandages today, and wouldn’t be surprised if I’ll need to redo them tonight. But I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
For now, I’ll just live in the moment, thankful that I’ve made it through another bandage change, and that even in the craziness I was reminded of Him.
