Somewhere within our current healthcare system, we, as women, have lost our voices. We’ve been disempowered, disregarded, and in many instances disrespected.
We have been bullied, and it’s NOT okay
In each of my pregnancies and post partum hospital stays, I’ve seen or heard at least one woman being disrespected, or treating like just a number in the loooong line of patients that need to be seen to.
And I get it – to a degree. Hospitals are understaffed and the staff that’s there are overworked. But when I think about the term care providers in this context, I laugh – out loud. Because care is holistic, and in many instances it seems that there’s so much focus on birthing a healthy baby, and so little focus on the woman birthing.
They’re both important. And when a woman’s needs aren’t heard, or they’re disregarded or undermined, we end up with broken women transitioning into the realm of motherhood. Alone. Because her care providers didn’t care enough to ensure that SHE was okay throughout her pregnancy, and during and after childbirth. It was all about the baby. And then she feels guilty because baby is fine and that’s all that matters.
But that’s NOT all that matters! And as a society we need to stop perpetuating this lie. We need to stop teaching our new mommas that baby’s health is all that counts. Mom’s health is important. Her mental and emotional state is important. The way she’d given birth is important. The lack of trust and safety she felt is important and her coming to terms with how she was treated throughout her journey IS important.
It’s important, because that very same woman, who is struggling with feeling disempowered and disregarded, that woman who was not cared for, is the same woman who has to CARE FOR a baby who is almost entirely dependent on her. When we as women have to deal with traumatic pregnancies and birthing, and post partum care and then expected to transform our entire lives for this beautiful bundle we just birthed (no, we’re not complaining but it needs to be said), and figure out our new lives and adapting AND having to deal with the trauma we’ve endured, is it any wonder that many women end up with Post Natal Distress (PND)???
And I use the term “distress” because there are many women who experience PND, but are not depressed. Depression can be one aspect of it yes, but it isn’t the be all and end all of PND. PND takes so many forms and many women are left feeling helpless because they know they aren’t themselves, but they aren’t depressed either, and that’s the only two options given to us. Depressed or normal. There’s seemingly no in between, except… there is. For more info on Post Natal Distress, check out the book ‘When your blessings don’t count’, by Linda Lewis.
I pray that by the time my children have children, they they will receive better holistic care than I did (and I was of the lucky ones that got the better end of the crappy stick). I pray that we as women, learn how NOT TO disempower other women, but instead help them through their challenges and watch them blossom. And I truly pray that those who have been scarred by their pregnancy/ birthing journeys find the healing they need, so that they can feel ‘whole’ again and be better versions of themselves, sharing one of with their greatest blessings with their loved ones – the gift of a woman who has healed from within.