It’s 12:30 pm.
Amatullah is on her way back to sleep and I’m left with the fatigue of what’s become my norm.
She’d woken me up wanting to show me she’d somehow managed to undo part of her arm bandage and had removed the Mepitel underneath it.
Bleary-eyed, and barely functioning, I stared at her arm in defeat and decided it wasn’t worth pushing pass the exhaustion I was feeling.
Two more wake me ups later, and I finally gave in. It was my fault after all. I should’ve bandaged her hands before retiring for the night. Or at least ensured that someone else did it. But I didn’t, and so damage control is my lot. She’d taken the Mepilex off her back and chest too, and had scratched up into her body bandage. In my current state, damage control to her chest and back would mean first damaging the area a little (tired + bandage change isn’t a good combination) in order to rebandage, so instead I chose to leave it as is and let her soak it loose in the morning prior to being bathed.
I then proceeded to do her nappy, and was told that the nappy was stuck (she’d shifted her bandage whilst scratching), so I aborted mission and let her lay with her dad instead, dirty nappy and all.
Some nights I am lucky and can do this, other nights I have to ‘brace the storm’ because leaving it be is just too risky and will likely cause her more harm.
It’s a tough decision to make, and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make it at all.
But this is the hand we were dealt, and in reality, it isn’t all bad. We experience many lovely, teachable moments too. It’s just that sometimes it takes extra effort to deal with the challenges we’ve been dealt so that we may glimpse the beauty that lie beyond it.
