Another first without her

Allah. You know that birthdays aren’t that big a deal to me. They come and go, and the only reason I’d sometimes inform people of my birthday is because of the beautiful Du’as they make for me. But Allah, this birthday was different. Amatullah wasn’t with us. And the one thing I missed most about it, was having  to wash her. Because that was our time together Allah. I obviously didn’t like it when she was in pain, but those precious moments of seeing her smile at me when we took her bandages off with ease. Those eyes that screamed appreciation when I allowed her to bath as she wanted. Or when her bath was done, those moments we’d have together doing our bandage routine. That side long ‘how cool is that’  glance she’d give me when she knew we’d just done something amazing. That side long glance pops up in my mind so so often Yaa Rabb. Allah, I miss my little girl. And I miss spending special moments with her. Like birthdays,  which weren’t a big deal, but every year for the past few years we’ve spent my birthday the same way,  and this year we didn’t. This year Allah, we didn’t get to see her smile, or enjoy the meal we put before her. This birthday we didn’t get to glow with joy as she munched away at her meal,  grateful that she was eating. Allah,  this year was different. But we did get to see Maryam enjoy herself. She also asked to see a video of  her sister. 🙂 We made beautiful memories this past birthday, even though we’d changed our birthday routine. Next year though, I’d like to go back to what we did when Amatullah was alive. Because those moments were special. And there’s nothing that can enhance the beauty of a place or routine more than being reminded of a loved one who preceeded us to Jannah. 

2 Replies to “Another first without her”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *